Guilty Little Secrets
by Pulpgeek
Summary: Faith and Xander share deep, dark secrets. Or not.


Title: Guilty Little Secrets

Author: Pulpgeek

E-mail: pulpgeek@hotmail.com

Rating: Say PG-14 same as the show

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon and some suits. If they belonged to me Faith would still be on the show.

Category: F/X

"Give me the yearbook Harris and I may let you live."

Faith's threat did nothing to impede on Xander's mood. Grinning wide enough to crack his face wide open the young man neatly dodged his girlfriend's attempts to grab the offending volume.

"But you look just so darling in that outfit Faith, I was thinking of having the picture blown up, maybe make a poster out it."

"Not if you want to keep you lungs intact."

"Aw, come on. It's cute."

"Cute? Some of us have a rep. to protect. You have any idea what B. would do if she found out I was aone of them?"

"A cheerleader. It's not like you worshiped Satin or anything."

"I can deal with people thinking I pray to the devil, but shaking pom-pom's is out."

"You know I love it when you shake your pom-pom's"

"Bad dog. No tail for you."

".Sorry. I just got curious, you never talk about life before Sunydale. Guess I wanted to find out if your I've always been bad' act held up. So I did a little digging and via the wonders of the internet managed to get my slimy paws on this little devil."

"I was thirteen, kids do dumb stuff at that age. Some shoot drugs, get bad haircuts, join a band. I tried the cheerleader rift. It didn't work out. More details your not getting without torture."

"You looked great Faith."

"Please. I can just tell you're thinking about what B. and I would look like in matching uniforms."

"Actually I've been thinking about that since about two days after we first met."

"Idiot."

Not quite conceding defeat Faith slumped down into the couch. She favored her best friend with a black look. He probably thought this was funny. Despite the last two years Faith still enjoyed her bad-girl reputation. The way people always acted just a little bit scared around her. 

"So you know my dirty little secret. Congratulations, I'm sure there must be some sort of Scooby gang metal for outing a Slayer."

Xander dropped down next to her and tried to slip an arm over her shoulder. Faith pulled away. If he thought he was getting any after that crap

"You know I'd never tell anyone, I was just looking to know you better."

"I think you've known me in just about every way possible Xan."

"I want to know everything about you, good or bad."

"People keep secrets for a reason boy-toy. Let's just leave it at that."

"Not between us though, I want to tell you everything."

"You have some deep, dark evil deeds lurking in your past?"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

He reached out and pulled her close. This time Faith didn't bother pulling back. Xander leaned back on the couch, Faith laying on top of him. Her head was nestled in his chest so she could hear Xander's heart beat faster as he spoke.

"I wouldn't call this evil but it is something I've kept from everyone so I guess it qualifies. Before you woke up Willow was going through a phase. Tara wasn't in the picture yet and with Oz gone we started spending more time together again. Being with the wolf-man had helped but the insecure high-school Willow was starting to re-emerge. We'd flirt a lot and she'd feel better about herself, the old friendship was coming back. Our little fooling around had hurt the bond. With Oz out of the way we got close again."

"Does this story have a point or do you just like talking about the witch?"

"Quiet, I'm building atmosphere. So one night Buffy is staying over with Riley and Willow and I have a late night bonding session in her room. We finally open up about the whole kissing thing, how we felt and why it happened. About an hour of heavy talk latter we end up kissing again. This time it went a bit further, we slept together."

"So you banged little Red. Hope you're not expecting congratulations."

"Let me finish. I think at some level we both thought that if we ever got naked together that would be it. Fireworks, trumpets, the works. It was nice but we didn't fall in love. In a way it finally proved that we are just friends, nothing more."

"Not much of a guilty secret you've got there Xander."

"So do better."

"Easy. Keeping with the hot non-stick driving babe theme then how about you try and wrap your brain around this: I had a crush of Buffy."

"Join the club."

"Your bed buddy admits she was thinking lustful thoughts about another girl and that is all I get? Don't try and kid me Xan."

"I always kind of suspected something, the way you used to look at her. It was a very familiar kind of longing."

"It wasn't really lust, at least I hope not. I think I wanted to be her ya know? To be the girl everyone loved. In my screwed up head I got my types of longing all messed up."

"Such a cute screwed up head though."

"Your not getting back with me that easy Harris, I plan to make you crawl."

"Sounds like a plan."

"As long as we are barring souls and all that crap why don't you give me a straight answer on something. Why have you never tied me up?"

"So what, we're playing truth or dare now?"

"Answer or I'm kicking you off this couch."

"Because I couldn't find any rope strong enough?"

"Don't avoid the question. I've offered and you always have an excuse. I know I can be a real bitch so why don't you make me pay the piper sometime?"

"I could never hurt you Faith. You know that."

"I know and don't think that it's not one of the reasons I'm with you but I'm not talking about hurting, just a little kink. A bit of spice. I have the most spankable ass in southern California and you've never taken a bite. I know you want to, why not?"

"I'm not going to get out of this am I?"

"Not if you ever want to see me naked again you're not."

"Blame high school, source of most lingering trauma in otherwise healthy adults. By the time you showed up I had gotten things at least somewhat together. Before that I spent years at the bottom of the food chain. My chances with girls was probably less than zero. Year after year I saw girls go for jocks who treated them like crap. Big, dumb thugs got the babes. In my head I was the nice guy who would treat a girl nice if only given a chance. Never worked, even Buffy passed me over for Mr. dark and broody."

"You never got a date so kinky sex is out. I'm glad you cleared that up."

"I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it. A lot of my self-image is built on being the nice guy, the reliable and dependable one. Hurting someone you love, even in play just goes against what I'm about. Sorry if that sounds lame."

Not answering right away Faith picked up his hand and drew it to her face. She loved the way his body twitched just from her breathing on him. Despite all the manual labor his hands remained the second most sensitive part of his body. With cruel slowness she traced the lines of his palm with her sharp nails.

"Just a little pathetic. Nice guys are allowed to enjoy sex you know. If I can do handholding and cuddling you can try a bit of leather."

"Eep."

She had him, something to remember for a special occasion.

"My turn for honesty then. Fine, how about the time that" No. That was a good story but maybe he should hear a not so good one. 

"The first time, you and me. It wasn't an accident. I'd been planning to grab you for about a week. I had it all planned out, seduce you then break your heart and rub the pieces in Buffy's face. Show her that I'd made you love me, not her, me."

"Faith."

"Shhh. I know, I was in a bad place at the time. Let me finish. Things didn't quite work out, when we finished I planned to keep you there. Work on your little head for a bit, play some games. You just had to be nice though and screw with my fiendish plan. So I kicked you ass out before I did something dumb. Maybe if I hadn't things wouldn't have gone down quite so bad with me and B."

"That's nice to know, all this time I thought I was just a lousy lay."

"Don't joke Xander, that was one of the dumber things I've done in pretty screwed up life. I'm not proud of using you but I want you to understand why. We cool?"

"We're cool."

"Well that's my most twisted secret. Think you can top it?"

"That's it? Here I was expecting lesbian three ways and live sex shows."

"In your dreams. I'm wild, not crazy. Don't even think about making a joke."

"Me? Never."

"So, can you top that or what?"

"Can I just top you instead?"

"Maybe latter. Give me you best shot. Come on, knock my socks off and maybe I'll let you knock something else."

Xander was still for a minute then gently pushed her off him and stood up. He started pacing around the apartment, the way he only did when things were getting out of control. 

"About two weeks ago I was out shopping and I saw something that just spoke to me. I've been trying to think of the right way to give it to you ever since."

"So you what, got me some dirty lingerie?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Xander if this is that whole superheroine costume thing again I already told you that I'll wear the stupid thing on your birthday. But no cape."

That got a laugh. Good, he was looking so serious Faith half expected him to announce he'd contracted something terminal. All of a sudden he turned and walked into the kitchen. When he came back Xander was carrying a small box.

"Nipple clamps then?"

Wordlessly he proffered the black box to her, classy looking almost like..nah, couldn't be.

Not taking the box from his hands Faith reached out and opened it. 

Her mind went blank.

"If this is a joke Harris you're a dead man."

A ring. Platinum with a single amethyst insert. Purple. She loved purple.

"I was so afraid you'd say no I almost took it back a dozen times. Guess this is where I find out. Faith will you"

"Stop."

"Ok, that answers that. I'll just go shoot myself now. Please ignore the mess"

"No, I mean stop as in don't ask me that now' stop. I've never had much in the way of romantic daydreams Xander but sitting on your couch in an old sweatshirt doesn't feel like the right way to do this. That make any sense at all?"

Xander sadly took back the jewelry box and sat down beside her. One arm going to it's familiar position around her shoulder. His eyes fixated on the floor.

"Yhea. It does. Once again I have totally messed the romance thing. I'll come through in the end though. How about I make us reservations someplace nice, we get all dressed up and try it there. I can get down on my knee and totally humiliate both of us the way tradition demands. Then if you still say no I can drown my sorrows in the desert cart."

"You'll have to buy a suit."

"A small sacrifice to finally see you in a real dress."

"You've seen me in a dress before Xan."

"I don't think anything the contains less than two inches of fabric can legally be called a dress. I picturing you in something film noir fem-fatale-ish."

"This is what I get for getting you those classic film DVD's isn't it?"

"Dis not the classics. Rita Hayworth sure could fill out an evening dress. Growl!"

"I think there is some law against drooling over another woman within five minutes of proposing marriage."

"You never actually let me propose so I'm safe. See, foiled by my clever legal trickery."

Faith brought the discussion to an end with a light bop on the leg.

"Enough. If it makes you feel better, I plan to say yes."

Xander held her face tenderly and brushed Faith's hair back out her eyes. Looking straight into them he smiled at her. A smile of relief and joy.

"You didn't have to tell me now Faith. Beautiful women are allowed to keep their idiot boyfriends in suspense for a while. One of the perks of babedom."

"I don't want any more secrets between us. Secrets bad."

"Very bad."

"How ever can we make it up to each other?"

"Not sure, might be fun to find out though."

He kissed her then and as Faith lost herself in his arms her last thought was to wonder what she would look like in white. 


End file.
